what is the worst thing that you have ever done?
Has anyone else read “the book of the skulls” by Robert Silverberg? towards the end, in order to attain immortality, four of the main characters are tasked with revealing to one another the worst thing they’ve done in their entire life, the secret shame that they’re haunted by.
So I’ve been thinking - what would I say, if I were in that situation? Right away, I can think of a few times in the past where I’ve been a complete asshole, to a somewhat uncharacteristic extent. If you know me, you might try to guess - but I doubt you’ll get it right. One time in particular, perhaps, that I completely regret. But I’m not sure that I’d call it my ’secret shame’, or my cross that I’ve born for however many years. I’ve sort of made peace with it - not forgotten about it, exactly, but just accepted it as a mistake I made before I was as smart as I am now, and moved on.
Thinking about the things I’ve done that I regret brings up an interesting point: things that I’ve done that I don’t regret. It’s a little bit of sociopathy, in the ‘Dissocial personality disorder’ sense of the term - “Gross and persistent attitude of irresponsibility and disregard for social norms, rules, and obligations.” [wikipedia]. I mean, I’ve done some stuff that’s not only illegal, but ‘morally reprehensible’ according to the average person. But I don’t think it was wrong for me to do so, regret it, or even feel the need to stop myself from doing it in the future. Once again, if you know me you might be able to guess it, but I doubt you’ll hit on the one in particular i’m thinking of.
So if I’m in the situation that the main characters of “The Book of the Skulls” find themselves in, which do I confess? The choice that I regret making but am at peace with, or the choice that I don’t regret but most other people would find totally reprehensible?
Tags: confession, life, literature, regret