So I’m busy again, deadlines are looming, livelines are potentiating, and I feel like I’m percolating – like maybe something is bubbling up. Of course, I feel that way off and on a lot, so it’s not really anything particularly noteworthy.

On the other hand, I’m trying to take a different tack on this current round of work. In the past, I think I’ve been sort of taking some things for granted, and not being up front about the way I prefer to work – not out of any sort of delibrate dishonesty, of course, more because I’m willing to let a lot slide, and I (possibly unfairly) assume that everyone else too. I realize that I am lucky enough to be able to enjoy a comparatively stress-free life of responsibility only to myself – “someday you’ll have a wife and family,” I am consoled, “and you’ll understand,” but those people don’t know me very well. I’m not sure whether I’m really the marrying type.

But I’m not that lucky. I do wish that I could deal with problems the same way a cat does – by staring them down until you decide whether they’re scary enough to run away from or tame enough to ignore. Maybe that’d be too unstable of a life, though, because I really would have to run – away from a messed up relationship, away from an angry client, away from impatient debt collectors. I’m a little to sedentary for that, I suspect. Instead, I’m more of a fight-or-ignore person, although I’m not sure if ignoring a problem counts as fight or flight – can you run from your problems by pretending that they don’t exist? Can you fight your problems by refusing to acknowledge them, denying them direct influence over your life? Is it a question of semantics?

Conjecture aside, I think things are going well – I’m making such a conscious effort to be organized, possibly to an unnecessary extent, to make up for the fact that it doesn’t come naturally to me, and I’m beginning to suspect that this lack of aptitude is slowly screwing me over. Is it possible to be completely self-assured but still lack an advanced degree of self-motivation or self-control? I feel like I’m writing Carey’s one-liners for Sex and the City. “My night at Brooklyn’s hot new club left me sleepless and wondering: are we really what we eat? Or what we don’t eat, as the case may be?”

My point, dude, is that I feel like things are going well. I’ve been procrastinating, but I’ve been doing it on much more reasonable terms, and I think I’ve been doing a better job of procrastinating productivly. Anky is helping, though I have a feel StarCraft2 won’t. Oh well. All work and no play.

I’ll be interested to see how my sleep schedule looks when I get back from the coast on Monday – will I flip back over to waking up before noon? Will I sleep even later? turn in next time!